Coldharbour Heart
by Babble
Summary: Thousands of years before her fateful meeting with the Dragonborn, Serana Volkihar is growing weary of her parent's bickering. She decides to take a trip to Solitude to meet Nords her own age, and the Tales and Tallows celebration provides the perfect cover: on a night when everyone looks like a monster, she won't stand out. Unfortunately for Serana, things may not be so simple.


Serana rested her elbows on the stone balcony and sighed. Azura's dusk came to an end, and the sky darkened to mirror the sea. The weathered spires of Castle Volkihar became a less attractive sight with every day that passed, and although she never saw the castle in sunlight, she doubted clarity improved the view. In the quiet of early night, waves crashed against the craggy shore.

Ancient stone going to dust, and worn out carvings she'd studied a thousand times, and spilled blood in the feasting hall and the passageways and wherever else her father's vile band of followers decided to eat their meals. And who did they expect to clean up all the mess, to scrub the gore from the cracks in the floors? None of those sycophantic bloodsuckers ever raised a taloned finger to help maintain the castle, and her mother seldom left her library these days.

The trap at Serana's feet rocked from side to side, and the creature inside squeaked like a broken instrument. Someone moved behind her, someone with soft footsteps that no mortal ears would ever hear.

"This again, Serana?" Harkon stood in the doorway, looking down distastefully at the contraption. "If you put as much effort into assisting me with my work as you do with these pointless experiments, we'd have conquered Skyrim by now."

"Not an experiment, actually," Serana replied coolly. She didn't turn around. "It works perfectly well. I only need a few rats to brew one of the blood potions, and no one has to die in the process. Crazy, right?"

Harkon scowled. "You embarrass me. My own daughter, ashamed of her very nature. Even if you don't care to venture out into the wilds of the mainland and hunt for prey, serviceable thralls fill the feasting room. You should be down there, among our kind."

"_Our_ kind?" Serana scoffed. "I still remember when we were a _normal _family. When we didn't have to murder just to survive. When we had a proper court, instead of starving vampires who'd slit our throats if they thought they could get away with it. All of _our _people left after we returned from the Coldharbour rituals, father. They were horrified."

"They were _weak_. I tire of having this conversation."

"I'm just telling you I don't want anything to do with those monsters downstairs."

"So instead you're content to haunt this balcony like a castle phantom, night after night. Just as your mother has retreated to her study, burying herself in dusty tomes and crumbling samples of flora. I raised you both so high. Can you not stand with me now, when I'm on the brink of an advance that could turn the world to our favor?"

"No. Just...no." Serana turned away, and leaned over the balcony. If she squinted hard enough to the east, she could see the distant lights of Solitude, like fireflies in the darkness. "I'm sick of hearing about your research. The prophecy is all you've talked about for months..._years_, even."

Harkon hissed in exasperation. "That's because my work is _all_ that matters now, Serana."

"You've made that pretty clear."

"Everything I've done...everything I'm _doing_...is for you and Valerica. I just wish I could make you see the world as I do."

"Yeah, well." Serana bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep the lump in her throat from turning into something more. _I miss my father. _She'd been born in this castle, so many years ago now. She'd died in it, as well. "Ask me again in a few centuries."

They shared an uncertain silence for a time. Her father didn't draw breath, but she could still feel his presence behind her like a shadow in the fabric of reality. Even the rat in the trap had gone quiet, perhaps sensing in some primitive way the power of the being in the doorway.

"I'm going to Solitude," she blurted out.

"Ah. Changed your mind about hunting, after all?" Serana could imagine the smug smile on his face, but didn't turn to see it.

"I haven't. Like I said, the blood potions work just fine. I just need a break from this awful fucking castle. From you and your research, from mother and her worrying. From the disgusting creatures in the feasting hall you call your friends. Oh wait, I'd forgotten, we don't have those anymore. What do you want to call them, then? Lackeys?"

"The seeds of something greater. A court of vampires is a delicate construction, tended to over millennia." Harkon's hand fell on her shoulder, and she stiffened. "This idea of a sojourn to the mainland. Your mother's doing? One of her petty little plots, designed to irritate me? I sense her hand in this."

"I haven't spoken to her in a week." Serana glared at him out of the corner of her eye. "She probably wouldn't want me to go, anyway. She'd say the danger was too great." _Take the bait, you bastard. _He called her mother petty, but they were both the same. A treacherous game, playing her parents off each other. Doing it in the past had sometimes led to misery for her, her mother, or the both of them. _Gods forgive that I could actually get something out of this fucked up arrangement. _

Harkon quieted for a moment. "Very well. Go to Solitude, see all that you think you've been deprived of. Observe the mortals indulging in their base pleasures. Watch them drink curdled spirits and eat their dirty little animals. But know that any bread you put in your mouth will turn to ash, and that the finest wines will taste foul on your tongue, and that the only true pleasure for you will be the lifeblood of the cattle you walk among."

"Wonderful. I can't wait."

"Once a moth has left the cocoon, it must forget the delights of the larva. I thought you'd learned that by now."

"Inspirational." Serana shrugged off his hand. "You should really write that down, somewhere. I'm leaving at midnight. Maybe I'll even come back."

His voice was in her ear, cold as a Frostfall wind. His breath was iron and death. "Do not joke about such matters, Serana. You know what it would do to me, if you were to disappear. Think of your poor mother."

"Okay. Sorry. Not...not funny." Her hands clenched on the balcony. "I'll come back, father. Of course I will. I have nowhere else to go. Right?"

"You'd do well to remember that the next time you think to mock all that I've built." Harkon stepped back. "Castle Volkihar is your home, for now and always. Lord Bal has made certain of that."

Serana thanked the gods her father looked away, so he couldn't see her face screw into an expression of terror at the sound of that beast's name. Her father's presence receded, thankfully, so she could be alone with her pain. She closed her eyes and aggressively emptied her mind, trying to forget what her father had said as soon as possible. _Going to Solitude. Focus on that. What am I going to wear? What should I bring? Are there any current wars I need to remember, in case someone asks which side I'm on? _Her father was usually the one who went into the city, if they needed something for the castle they couldn't make or steal themselves. She hadn't visited Solitude since they'd needed to gather ingredients for...the ritual. _And there Bal is again. My consciousness is a cursed labyrinth, a series of paths all leading to the same horrible memory. The night when Serana Volkihar died, and I took her place. _

She thought of going to tell her mother about her departure, but the possibility of another discussion like the one she'd just had soured that thought. _They treat me like a pawn. Well, no longer. For the next few days, at least, I'll be free. _The plan to visit Solitude hadn't come to her all of a sudden, though she hadn't planned to tell her father of her plans in such a blunt manner. For months Serana had been feeling the urge to rebel growing stronger, and the perfect date for such an excursion grew ever nearer. _The third of Heartfire. The Tales and Tallows festival. _

The idea had first occurred to her a few years ago, but only now did Serana feel the strength to go through with such a risky endeavor. Her father certainly wouldn't approve. _Well, fuck him. I've had enough. _

The trap rattled once more against the stone, like someone knocking at a heavy door. Serana knelt down and drew an elven knife from the worn scabbard at her hip. She always slaughtered on the balcony, for the ease of washing the stones. If there was one thing Castle Volkihar did not need, it was more blood sticking between the cracks in the floor. _I'm gonna need a lot of potions for the trip. _Serana reached for the trap's lever, her dagger poised. She smiled grimly. _Better a rat than a Nord. _

"Baby's going on a lil' adventure?" Engarr's eyes glowed in the midnight darkness. He stood on the edge of the small dock, looking down at her. "Uh oh. I hope baby's da knows about this."

"Shut up." Serana crossed her arms. Of all her father's despicable creatures, Engarr rated somewhere below the ferals they kept in the deep pits. "Harkon knows, and he doesn't care."

Engarr grinned. "Hmm. Maybe baby tells the truth. But maybe not. Maybe baby needs to be collected and brought to her da. Maybe baby needs punishment." He ran his hands down the wooden railings, and his long yellow fingernails danced like spider legs in the moons' light.

"My name's Serana. Like I've told you a thousand times. And if you come near me, it's your head I'll be collecting."

"Oh oh oh! Baby can bark! But has it any teeth?"

_Ugh. This is not what I need right now. _Serana felt confident she could cut down the fool in a fair fight, but no part of her expected that Engarr would threaten her without assurance of an advantage. _Maybe he's got a partner hiding under the dock, aiming a silver arrow at me through the stairs. _No matter. Whatever Engarr's goals, she didn't have time for this.

"You kill me, and then what happens?" Serana raised her brow. "You think my father will respect your show of power, maybe even raise you higher in his twisted little hierarchy? I bet you're getting tired of eating the scraps off the feasting floor, huh?"

Engarr's grin faded a little.

She pressed on. "He'll see you as a _rival. _A threat to his position You know what happened to his other rivals, pal? If you turn around, you can find them just past the edge of the dock. What parts of them the mudcrabs haven't taken, anyway."

He hissed, baring his fangs, but Serana just rolled her eyes. She started up the steps, ignoring the heat of his glare, and he stepped to the side.

"I think I saw Kalgerd starting in on a thrall when I passed by. Better hope you get there before the others, or you'll be left chewing toes."

She tried her best not to smile as she heard his footsteps clattering down the rocky beach. This was the stage of her journey she had most worried about, but sailing the castle's dilapidated dinghy to the shores of Solitude would still be an arduous task. Serana grabbed the weathered oars and scraped off the scum and barnacles from the handles. She glanced over her shoulder, taking in Castle Volkihar one last time. An amber light shimmered in the window of the largest tower, where her father kept his private study. The thought of his unblinking eyes watching her every movement sent a shiver down her spine.

A part of her wanted to leave and never return. Serana wanted to follow that path so fiercely that she had to bite her tongue to keep focus. _Think of mother. Without me to fight over, they'll tear each other apart. But for now, you can forget about them all. Remember: Solitude. Tales and Tallows. You're not a vampire, you're a woman. For one night. That's not much to ask for. You deserve this. _Serana untied the rope securing the dinghy to the dock, and plopped down into the boat. She hadn't travelled to the mainland alone in quite some time. _How hard can it be? I can practically see Solitude from here. _Holding that thought in her head, Serana pushed off from the dock and into the misty waters of the Sea of Ghosts.


End file.
